Hard work eventually pays off ... right?

My challenge ends on Saturday, so I will post the final results on Sunday. It seems crazy that its been nearly 24 days. I weighed myself last Wednesday and haven't had a second to post the results. I weighed today and the scale hadn't changed. I'm feeling a little disappointed that I hadn't lost more. With that being said, last week I was sick (again!) seriously that needs to stop right flipping NOW! On Thursday when I started to feel much better I continued on at the gym. Really the only thing I quit doing was working out (but really who works out when they feel horrible?) That is why I was so disappointed that the scale stayed the same.

I weighed in at 147.2! I've hit the 30 pound mark for this blog! I am pretty excited. I can't believe overall I am 33 pounds lighter than when I started this journey. It feels so surreal that I was as big as I was. It feels crazy that I don't feel "lighter".... I know I look and feel healthier, but I thought I'd feel less baggage and lighter. Does that make sense? Probably not.

Anyways, my goal was to be at 145 at the end of the 24 Day Challenge. I am so close to getting there. It's hard. I keep telling myself that even though this is hard it will be rewarding. It's the working hard over and over and over again and the scale not wanting to cooperate that makes this journey so freaking tough!

Speaking of tough...my life just got busier!

I am now working full time.... why? Mainly because I am awesome and my boss doesn't want to hire a third MA. So besides the fact that I am feeling extremely overwhelmed I kinda feel like SuperMan. Hubby works out of state, which means I am a single, married woman, raising two kids, working full time, maid, taxi driver, and accountant all while trying to focus an hour and a half of time I don't feel like I have to better myself and be healthier for me, my kids and my husband. If I can do it ANYONE can do it. True story guys!
So if by chance you are to come to my house, don't mind the mess. If something in my crazy life gets forgotten about its gonna be the house. I have come to realize that I can't do it all. Maybe one day, but for now the house is where my attention is lacking. My OCD is actually telling me right now to get off this computer and pick up the toys....if you personally know me, you know how bad those toys are driving me crazy just laying on my floor, making the house look soooo dirty. I don't like messes and I am pretty uptight when it comes to my house..... hmmm maybe I'll hire a maid?

Thought this picture says it all. 

Make it happen! 

24 Day Challenge- Half way there!

Today is day 11 of the 24 day challenge. Cleanse phase is officially over and the Max phase begins.
Guys, let me just tell you that weight loss is not easy and is easily the hardest thing I have ever done! It's a mind game and I suck at those. ;) But really. It's all about feeding your body the right tools and getting back up when you fall.
With that being said- I'm proud to say I have RESULTS!
On day one of the challenge I weighed in at 154.2, my inches were Chest: 36 Waist: 33 Hips: 41 and Thighs: 22
Today is day 11 and I weighed in at 149.2, for a total of 5 lbs down. My inches were Chest: 34 Waist: 33 Hips: 38 Thighs: 19. An overall inch loss of 8 inches!

I feel good. I posted a little bit ago about still feeling negative towards myself after loosing some weight. I'm proud to say that some of those feelings are gone. I no longer have so much hatred for myself. I'm proud of what I am doing to better my life and my health. I'm surprised? maybe that I have actually stuck with this for so long... I just knew deep in my soul that if I continued to live and eat how I was that I would eventually lose everything that was important to me because of my attitude. 

I have amazing family support as well. Encouraging me to keep on keeping on and always giving me positive feedback. I also have an amazing bestie that also helps to remind me to continue to do better; pushing me at the gym, helping with my mentality and understands how I feel at times...okay actually she understands MOST of the time. 

I'm healthier than I think I've ever been. I can feel the difference. I can see the difference and it is so rewarding that I have come this far! 

No matter what it is your trying to accomplish; if you put forth the effort you can achieve it. 

Anger, Acceptance and finally action.

Recently I read a blog post by MamaLaughlin (super love her blog...it is real and I like real!) 
Early this week before I read her post I was feeling the same way....
Anger: 
After having my first child and gaining 30 pounds in two months, I couldn't believe what was happening to me.... I was so angry that I had gained weight and wasn't even sure how that had happened. I was so angry that I turned to food to comfort me and would think "oh well...what's done is done."
I had tried numerous attempts to lose weight but I'd slip one day and then I would say "well everything that I've worked for has gone out the window..... better luck next time" and continue on with the habits and comfort that I was so used to.
After having my son, I lost 19 pounds within the first two weeks. I thought to myself that I was never going to get to the weight that I was when I delivered him. Boy was I wrong! February 2013 I stepped on that scale and saw a big 180! Um hi....I didn't even weigh 180 when I delivered little Ledge!!
I thought and thought and thought a little more and once I realized that this weight gain was because of ME I knew that it was up to ME to make a change.
Yes I was still angry with "letting myself go" but I had come to terms with what I had done and finally accepted the damage.
Acceptance:
Once I accepted that this began with me and the end result would be because of me and my hard work, it made making the right choices slightly easier. I finally stopped being angry about my weight gain, accepted it with um slightly open arms? Ha maybe not, but anyways I had accepted what IIIII had done and knew what I had to do to change it.
Action:
I took control, I took baby steps (I am still taking baby steps) and I take it one day at a time. I used to slip up once a day and then get right back on track. Now that I have been working so diligently on this I rarely slip up. PROGRESS BABY!!
Yes, weight loss, eating the right foods and exercise is on my mind ALL THE TIME. Sounds exhausting? I find it motivational. Keeps me accountable. I always have the voice in the back of my head helping me push through those negative thoughts that creep up daily.
For me, AdvoCare has given me the tools (yes I already knew what they were) but the motivation and the added supplements that I knew my body was lacking to help push me along in my day to day journey. AdvoCare has pushed me to make healthy choices daily and to keep on keeping on.

So for those of you that struggle to lose the weight or are just needing something to give you that push, I feel like acceptance of where your at will help you decide to take positive action to make yourself, and your lifestyle much healthier. But that change needs to be YOUR desire, no one else can make this decision for you.

Here's something I've been dying to post...
Day 9 on the AdvoCare's 24 day challenge and I am down 4 pounds from my last weigh in. (Insert drumroll here please) This morning I weighed in at 150.8!!!!! Oh how close am I from breaking free of the 150's!?
I will post my day 11 results on Sunday before I start the Max Phase of the challenge.
Things just got real and I'm pretty much amazing! (not quite, but I feel amazing and it's kinda the same thing right?) :))
Motivation baby....motivation!

The Damn Weight Loss results (work challenge)

Today was the final weigh in for my work challenge.
I completed it!!
I am so proud of myself for actually completing something and working my butt off to accomplish something so hard, yet simple! I put forth every thing I had and more to get results.
I came in second in overall % of weight lost- it was really close and anyone could have taken it! (we all did well and I am proud of the girls I work with for encouraging me to keep going and for giving me the motivation to not give up!) 
I came in first in total inches lost with 6 inches gone forever! I honestly was shocked when about a month ago they told me that I had lost a total of 5 inches. I couldn't even believe I'd lost that much...crazy to think that it was a little over 3 weeks ago that we last measured, and here I am with another inch gone....
Today I weighed in at 154.2. I wanted really bad to be at 150....I know I was trying to hard to achieve something that is most likely not possible in one week. On the bright side, I lost weight from last week and that's what counts.
I didn't gain weight.
I'm gonna do my best NOT to gain weight.

Tomorrow I start the AdvoCare 24 Day Challenge. I am SO ANXIOUS!! GAHH!!!
I want so badly to hit my goal weight and I am praying that I have great results with this challenge. I know I won't meet my goal, but I will be closer than I am now. (Gosh, look at me being positive and stuff....)

To date I have lost 26 pounds, and if I am remembering correctly (my backup didn't work when I updated my phone and so my measurements are long gone....literally) 7 inches (waist only).
Excited to see what the next 24 days has in store? I am!!

Update on the weight loss

Well folks, after more hard work and determination, I have hit another milestone in my weight loss journey! I actually weighed in yesterday at 156.4, blew my 157.8 goal right out the flipping window! Weighed this morning just to see how much weight I'd lost in a day's time (I have been working my big ol' booty off at the gym HARD) and guess what the scale said? 155!!!! Guys I freaked out with joy for just a slight minute. I'll come back to why in just a second....photo time!

A look at the beginning to where I am at currently. 

Front view. Looking much better! 

Side view

I was more impressed with the first ten pounds lost. Technically this is 11 pound difference but hey, (yes I love Duck Dynasty and use Si-lingo often), if you completely dodge the 10 pound goal and go straight for 11 pounds lost....who's complaining? Not me! 

Now back to why I only let myself get excited for just a minute. Before I started this blog I weighed in at a whopping 180 pounds. (That may not be huge to some people but for me, that is the biggest I have been and I didn't like what I looked like. So I am not trying to be offensive to anyone by saying if you weigh 180 pounds you are HUGE. What I am saying is when I weighed 180 I was HUGE). Anyways, I needed motivation so I started to blog about my journey when I weighed 177.8. My total weight loss as of today has been -25 pounds! Kind of a big deal right? I have 30 more pounds to go to hit my goal weight and believe me, I will get there!! 

So I'm seeing the number on the scale 155 and I jump for joy and than I think to myself "why is it that I feel the same that I did 25 pounds ago? Why do I look in the mirror and see this huge, overweight, unhappy person? Shouldn't I look at myself and notice a difference? Shouldn't I feel different?"

Why am I not feeling any different? Why do I still have these negative feelings toward myself? Guys, I am trying to sort all this out. I realize that being overweight may not be my issue exactly, it may only be a small part of the problem.  But for some reason I felt 25 pounds ago that if I could just lose weight that all would be well and I would be completely and utterly happy about myself and who I am. I have found this may not be entirely true. Has anyone else had these same feelings? How did you cope with them?

On a more positive note, I have noticed that I enjoy spending more time with the kids, I can keep up with them both and I am not getting tired as easily as before. I have also noticed that as a family we have been more happy.
(If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy). 

August 28th is the final weigh in for the Biggest Loser Contest that my work has been doing. As of this week I am in second place for percent of weight lost and I am in first place for inch loss!
I will update with the final results at that time.
On August 29th I will be starting AdvoCare's 24 Day Challenge. I will update more often with how I am doing throughout the challenge.  In a previous post I talked about how I love how Spark makes me feel. I just feel good. I don't feel overly energized, jittery, or a crash later. I just feel good. What's wrong with feeling good?

If anyone has some input on to why I am still having these negative feeling towards myself and what I can do to resolve these issues please don't hesitate to comment. I am needing some advice. Because I am pleased, thrilled actually, that I have lost a good chunk of weight, but hate that these feelings are still surfacing when I figured they would disappear with the weight.

I freaking did it!!!

Well folks I finally hit my 10 pound mark! It wasn't as easy as I assumed it would be. Actually it kicked my ass.....
I feel like the next 10 pounds will just fall off. I hope it does!
I have been doing things a bit different to help boost my weight loss journey.
I found out about some healthy weight loss supplements by a company called AdvoCare, and the only product I can take right now (because of the biggest loser challenge I'm doing at work) is Spark. I LOVE IT!!! It helps fill in the nutritional gap that most of us are missing and I honestly feel like it has increased my weight loss because of those added vitamins. It also gives me an increased mental focus. It is hard to explain but what I have been telling people is that I feel like everything is in HD after I drink it. I feel refreshed, motivated and energized. I'm not jittery, and there is no crash later!

Besides drinking this wonderful, delicious drink, I have also decided to give "clean eating" a try. I can honestly tell you that by eating clean I have felt so much better! I am not as hungry and feel more satisfied. and because I am eating clean I don't even get close to going over my weight watcher points! Which by the way decreased dramatically once I quit nursing! (stupid stupid stupid!)

The saying "What you eat in private shows in public" hit home for me and that is when I decided that if I want to feel and look AMAZING, SEXY, and skinny than I was going to have to put forth more of an effort to eat things that I could learn to love. So far so good.

And it has paid off! Just another reason why I am so excited that I have hit my 10 pound mark!

So are we ready for pictures????

Proof so y'all know I'm not lying ;)

Yucky...but it is still 10 pounds lighter than last time. 

I think my side view looks pretty good....

Front view comparison

Side view comparison

Looking at the comparison pictures is amazing!!! I am in shock!

Here is to another 10 pounds!!!!

Week 6- aka I kinda feel like a bad A

I about shat myself when I weighed in this morning- I did great all week except on Sunday I didn't track... So yeah, I was worried....
169.2 people!!!! -2.2 pounds from last week!!!
Do I feel amazing? Pretty much!
2 pounds shy of a 10 pound weight loss pic.
I'm starting to believe that I CAN do this! With a lot of dedication and jumping back on the wagon when I fall off.

On Monday I started couch to 5k.
It was hard.
Today it was easier.
Yes today was only week 1 day 2 but I feel good! It felt good!
I have shin splints that hurt like a biotch, but I'm gonna keep on keeping on!
I CAN DO THIS!

I am feeling so positive and this experience is exhilarating!
I will succeed!
I'm bringing sexy back!
G'nite all- here's to more amazing results!

Week 5!

I've made it 5 weeks! 5 whole weeks of my weight loss journey!
Wow.
Today I weighed in at 171.4 pounds.
When I started this blog my weight was 177.8. I've lost 6.4 pounds since I started blogging about my weight loss. And I've lost 9 pounds since starting weight watchers. I am going to post -10 pound weight pics when i weigh in at 167.8.
I'm so close.
Watching those numbers on the scale get smaller is like a drug. It's the most amazing high I've ever felt! I feel so accomplished and proud and happy! I feel skinny! I know that sounds silly kinda but its true! I feel thinner, maybe it's because I've pushed all the negative thoughts to the side and everything positive is pouring in with each step of success....
Whatever it is its working.
I'm still making small goals each week so that if I only lose half a pound I've made my goal and won't beat myself up over it.

So far I know it's been worth it!
What's your motivation?
My motivation has been seeing those small changes each week. It's what helps me continue on for the next week.
This is my lifestyle change.
Bring it on week 6!!!

Week 3 and 4 combined

Obviously I sucked at week 3 and didn't weigh in. And week 4 I was so busy that I forgot to post my results! Yes, I said results!!
Wednesday I weighed in at 172.8 pounds! So from the previous time I weighed I lost 1.8 pounds. Remember my goal was .5 oz and I blew that right out of the water!
Not only do I have this blog to help me be accountable and I am tracking each and everything that goes into my mouth, my work has also decided to do the biggest loser. We are all participating minus one since she is already very thin. We weigh in weekly and owe money into the pot for each pound gained or 0 lost.
I'm gonna kick ass.
I'm going to do my best and give it my all!
From the beginning of my whole weight loss journey I have lost 8 pounds! When I started blogging about my weight loss I have lost 5 pounds. Not to shabby! Slow, steady and consistency will do the trick! And hey!(yes I love to watch duck dynasty and catch myself saying 'hey!' Quite frequently) 5 more pounds and I will post another revealing -10 pounds picture! Not that I am super stocked about that, but looking at my progress and knowing its out here for everyone to see is really making it more of a priority.

I will do my best to post my progress when I weigh in on Wednesday. Let's hope for another .5 oz lost!
Remember baby steps!!

Conquering my negative voice.

"In weight loss, there are many changes. You will change your routines, and you will change sizes, but those who have the most success are those who change their minds!"
I have been reading the Weight Watchers success handbook and I am so surprised at how it has made me feel and how I am recognizing what I have been doing to myself.

My last post I was very negative about myself and really beating myself up. This book has been helping me tremendously! I've started to listen to myself and instead of some of those negative comments constantly lurking around I've decided to take it one day at a time and one positive thought each and every time I look in the mirror.
I've also created small goals to work on each week. It's easier than to look at the big picture. Yes, ultimately I want to weigh in at 125. But that's a lot to take in at once! So my goal for the week is to lose 0.5 pounds (small I know, but if I lose more then ill be extremely excited and if I lose half a pound I've met my goal and can move on). The saying "slow and steady wins the race" is so very true. I will slowly reach my goal and I know that it won't be easy, not even close!
I've also decided to incorporate exercise into my daily schedule. Again, I'm starting slow I don't want to over do it and than quit. Exercising has made a huge dent in the way I think about myself. I find myself being positive and excited about the progress I feel that I am making.
I will not let the scale and the number on the scale control me anymore!! I am in charge! If I am making healthy choices each week it WILL pay off! It may not be instant and the scale probably won't notice but the goal here is to not give up because of what the scale says.
Today, here and now, I am conquering my negative voice.
Here's to a week of POSITIVITY and for making healthier choices!

Let it out

Tonight has been hell.
My feelings are all over the place.
Lets start at the beginning.
I think my husband is pretty damn sexy. I feel pretty lucky to have married such a great man.
Yes this man has gained a few pounds over the years but by no means is he over weight or does he look over weight. I think he looks muscular and well.....sexy!
He is on this kick that he needs to lose 30 some odd pounds. A co-worker of his is on something called bee pollen and apparently it's amazing.  Whatever.
So Dustin decides he is going to start taking this bee pollen to help suppress his appetite while also hitting the local gym.
As he tells me this the wheels are turning and I start to have a panic attack.
He's going to get more good looking and more women are going to hit on him and he will be tempted if some hot, skinny bitch were to convince him or whatever it is that home wreckers do.
I'm sitting here with the tears flowing wondering if my husband feels disgusted with me.
If he is not disgusted with me, why isn't he?
Why does he love me?
Can he truly love someone that even looks like me?
I hate myself.
I hate that I am fat.
I hate that I find myself ugly.
Does my husband feel like he has to be with me because its comfortable?
Why do I feel this way?
I'm so frustrated with everything and everyone.
I just want to stay home, never leave, and never eat.
I hate food.
I hate that I am addicted to it.
I seriously need help.
If this doesn't motivate me than nothing will.

I probably sound crazy.  I am crazy.
I just want to be beautiful.
I just want to be thin.
I want another man to look at me and think "damn her husband is a lucky man!"
I want to feel attractive.
These insecurities are controlling my life and I need to gain control.

When my husband tells me that he loves me I need to believe him.
I need to trust him.
I need to be okay with him wanting to lose some weight.
Instead I turn into a crazy lady who's anxiety and who's self image ruins it all.
How am I going to over come this?
How am I ever going to feel worth it?

It feels good to let it out, but now I need to do something about it.

Losing control

I feel like I have completely fallen off the freaking wagon! This is becoming harder and harder each and everyday.
I didn't weigh in this week because well I figured it was bad. I did okay I think but I ate more fast food than I should have.
I need to just do it.
I can be the most stubborn person in the world but when it comes to food it controls me.
At least I feel like it controls me.
I feel like I'm always going to be this disgusted fat person who doesn't deserve anyone's love because I'm fat.
Seriously I'm so grossed out and other than going to work I don't go anywhere because I dont want people to see how I've let myself go.
I'm needing some real help.
I'm needing to get off my ass and just work out.
I need to have confidence and feel good in my own skin.
I need to feel like I'm getting somewhere.
Right now I'm going no where.
Needing some encouraging words of advice right now.

Week 2

Not as bad as I thought it would be. Today I weighed in at 174.6. I guess I can be okay with gaining 2 pounds, it just means I need to be better this week.
I decided I need to create a few goals each week that I should work on.
The first one is to drink more water! I know it's something we all could drink more of .  I realize that when I drink more water not only am I going pee every 5 seconds, but I feel so much better!  It's time to cut back on the diet coke and replace every diet coke I would drink with water.  Let's be honest- cutting out diet coke completely right now probably isnt going to happen-eventually I will make it my goal.  Baby steps here!
Next goal is to pack my meals. This was a struggle for me last week because I was painting and moving and it just wasn't on my mind. Obviously that was a problem for me or I wouldn't have gained two flipping pounds! So this week if I can remember to pack some fruit and healthy snacks I know I will see great results this next week!
Last goal I will work on this week is to track everything I eat!!! This is super important.  I need to track everything before I eat it. That way I know where I am at on my points and can ask myself if its worth the 7 points or whatever it may be.
I've got to keep reminding myself that's its okay to fall off the wagon every now and again. But I've got to get right back on and keep working towards my goal!

Lets be real here

Okay, I'm just gonna jump right in....tomorrow is weigh day and I'm kinda freakin! I didn't do so hot this last week. Here are a few reasons why (now that I look back they are pretty lame excuses)
1- closing on our house (yay!!) stupid reason but I don't think this is the reason why I didn't do my best.
2- painting/moving day in and day out for 3 days. This means that I was at the new house for 10+ hours....do you think I was smart enough to pack my food? Nope... Gosh I'm a flipping idiot!! So the quickest (not smartest) thing I did was order from a local pizza joint and yes I ate like a whole box of cheese stix....gross! But they are so good!! As I'm eating this delicious, fattening, cheesy goodness I start to put myself down and feel guilty.  My mind starts to say "well you've screwed up for the day so just keep eating like shit" k I need to stop doing that! I'm never going to get skinny and love the way I look if I keep eating unhealthy, fatty, processed food!
Okay, back to more reasons...
3- not eating breakfast. This is a hard one for me.... I usually eat oatmeal or have a yogurt, something quick and easy. But trying to get as much done with my house meant I woke up and left without breakfast. When I eat breakfast I feel better and tend to think a little better about my food choices.
4- didn't track everything! Um not a good idea to not track. Actually it's a horrible idea to not track your food.

Today I tried my best. Okay maybe not my best but I did track everything that I ate.
So tomorrow is weigh day and yes I'm nervous, if I didn't lose anything I just pray that I didn't gain! I hate that this is a constant struggle. I hate that I hate the way I look. I hate my double chin and my fat ass. I hate it all. I hate that my husband loves me even though I look this way.
 Miss B made a comment this morning that really broke my heart.
"Mom, do you have a baby in your belly?"
"No, just fat. Thanks Hun...."
"Well it looks like you have a baby in your belly."
"Um...I don't. Please let's stop talking about my belly."

I know she is just being sweet, and I know she doesn't understand what she is saying actually hurts my feelings. So I need to not take it so hard but I do.

When I post tomorrow please don't be upset or negative about what I do or don't lose. Lets be really here, I probably gained. But there is always next week and better choices to be made.

Week 1

Since I started Weight Watchers on a Tuesday night I weigh myself Wednesday mornings....I am so happy to announce that I have lost 5.2 pounds! My current weight is 172.6.  I am on my way to looking amazing and even better FEELING AMAZING! I am not feeling like I am starving myself and if I remember to track every thing I eat regardless of what the points value may be I find myself being a lot more cautious as to what I am eating.  Since fruits and vegetables have a pointsplus value of 0 I find myself eating more and more of them, specially since my weakness is snacking, eating these fruits and vegetables have helped a ton!
To stay on track, this week I worked on taking snacks or meals with me wherever I go.  I love fast food and LOVE fries. So if I dont have something on hand I find myself stopping at a McDonalds to grab a large fry.
Somedays I wish I hated food, or better yet, that food didn't taste good.
Here's to another week of success!

Daddy, I Love You.

My dad has had some close encounters with death these last two weeks. As a matter of fact right now he is so lucky to be alive.
Two weeks ago he went in for a routine oblasion (an invasive surgery to fix atrial fibrillation - an irregular heart beat, they go in through the femoral artery and do what they need to do).
After surgery and while in recovery my dad was bleeding out, the nurses were putting full body pressure on both his arteries to stop the bleeding. They got it controlled and he was stable. The left side of his groin started to get a HUGE hematoma, they expected a small one, but the size of this one was unreal!  Early Friday morning (the 22nd of March) his kidneys had shut down and they couldn't figure out what was going on with his body, his hematocrit was dropping at a fast rate. They realized he was bleeding internally.  The doctor rushed him into surgery and found that a branch artery had been severed. After a blood transfusion -4 units, 2 units of plasma, 48 hours of bed rest and a couple days of observation he was finally able to come home.
He has an open wound in his groin and to get it to heal from the inside out they gave him what is called a wound vac (a sponge goes inside of the wound than sealed off and the vac sucks out all the fluid from the wound). Because of this he had to have home health care come in and change the sponge and make sure it was healing correctly. Each change became more and more painful. On April 2nd (Tuesday) he left for school, about 15-20 minutes north of where we live. About 2 hours later as he was leaving school he started bleeding out! Not knowing what to do he called my mom and started driving to the emergency room. Yes, my dad was bleeding out of his femoral artery, driving to the nearest hospital and is here to tell us about it! Once he arrived at the hospital they gave him a blood transfusion-another 4 units and once he was stable they transported him to st. Marks hospital.
He is so lucky to be alive!
But it doesn't end there... The surgeon went in to see what the problem was and found that there was an infection that had eroded his artery, which caused the bleeding.
He went in for surgery everyday to change the dressing and to check the stitches. Everything had been looking so well that the surgeons felt he was stable enough to move out of ICU and to start walking. Tonight around 6pm he bled out again. They rushed him into surgery and put in a stent (a tube inside the artery). He is doing okay but he is back in the ICU. Right now I am not so sure what caused him to bleed out again, but I'm tired of death knocking on my dads door!!
My dad is my hero. My everything. I don't know what I would do if he were not here to see my children grow.
Please pray for him, pray that he will recover and return home safely and healthy. It is not his time to go, we need him here with us!
Dad, I love you so much! Please stay strong and continue to fight so that you may come home. I'm so grateful to have been raised by such wonderful parents. It's because of you and your endless support and love that I am who I am.  I love you daddy!
Love your little girl.

Cuddling with my kids! He is by far the best Papa out there! 

It's been a long while

Hey y'all! It's been about a year since I have blogged, way too long but my life is so crazy! I had a beautiful little boy name Ledger on October 8th 2012 weighing in at 7.3 lbs and 20.25 inches long. Basically he is adorable!

BraeLynn loves being a big sister and enjoys helping me out with her baby brother. She is learning and growing up so fast-time needs to stop! I need my babies to stay babies...at least a little while longer.

Dustin is no longer working in Nevada. He is now in cripple creek Colorado and thinks it's a pretty awesome town, better than good ol' battle mountain! He is farther away so I don't get to see him much. :( but like always we make do and it works for us.

Exciting news: we are in the process of buying a house! We should be closing next week sometime! It has been quite the process! Scary, but I'm unusually calm? Weird, because I'm a high strung, stressed out nut case half the time! I know this house was the right choice for our family and can not wait to get in and paint!

I have been following a very inspiring blog about overcoming your fears and working your ass off to become healthy. Brandi is amazing, brutally honest and drop dead gorgeous! You can check out her blog Here.
After much thought I have decided to blog my progress. I'm very nervous but hope that I can stick to it and get some helpful tips and positive feedback!
So... Today I weigh in at 177.8 pounds. I'm a fatty. Hating myself and constantly struggling to get to my goal weight of 125 or less. I am honestly disgusted with myself for letting myself go. Being a former skinny girl this has been so depressing, unbearable, ugly, gross and just plain ridiculous!  I am nursing my sweet son which makes this a tad bit more difficult for me. (Other nursing mothers may not have a hard time dropping the weight)  I work out and my milk goes sour, I eat much less -I lose my milk. So I'm doing weight watchers and so far loving it. I am working on portion control and eating healthier food choices. I will slowly start adding exercise once I get the food control down. I know that this will be a long and excruciating process but I am ready for the sweat, blood and tears! This girl needs to feel sexy! I mean who doesn't want to be a MILF?
I will do my best at posting weight loss pictures after every 10 pounds I lose. Weekly I will post my current weight and keep you all updated on my current struggles, motivators and tools that I find helpful. This is my first real attempt to lose weight so please bear with me!
Ready to be grossed out??
Oh I can't believe I'm posting my fat pictures on here...online....shoot me now!!

 

Well since I've put it all out here I better get to work!