Daddy's little girl

Daddy came home last night and surprised B. She was so excited she kept telling me to go away!

 Two peas in a pod!

When I went to give her a kiss good night she acted so irritated and told me to just kiss her hand! What a little stinker!

She missed her daddy so much! What a special moment for them both to spend quality time together.  I know how much it means to Dusty to have his little baby girl so excited to see him.

A little less crazy

Today has been a great day...I haven't had any psychotic break downs which is nice since my husband will be home in about 2 hours! I just hope I still like him after being with him every single day for the next 2 weeks! I'm sure I will, but with the way I have been acting.....who knows?!

Hormones

I am absolutely f-ing crazy! I have had a few people tell me that clomid made them loose their minds...I thought that can't be possible, it's just a small pill that you take for 5 days and be on your merry little way....Ya well apparently the crazy bitch doesn't come out to play till day 6...I have been extremely edgy all day and have snapped at the smallest things that would have never bothered me before. I have been so mad at my husband for having a friend over after he got off work so that talking to me on the phone was happening later than I wanted it to....mind you I couldn't even talk to him anyways because I was at school, either way I flipped....told him to stay in Nevada for the holidays, not to come home, that I wanted a divorce and never wanted to talk to him again....basically all the crazy things that you can think of I said and did! OH MY HELL.....I hate to blame it on clomid, but I feel like I just had an out of body experience and I am not sure if I can come back from this. My husband told me that if the drugs were going to make me act this way that we were done taking them. That if I don't get pregnant this time around that we will just have to try with out drugs and see what happens.  I see exactly why he wants me to stay off these drugs, he is walking on egg shells every time he talks to me on the phone.  He doesn't know what to say in fear that he is going to say the wrong thing. Poor guy doesn't even live with me and he is this terrified. Maybe its a good thing he isn't home for this!

As soon as I hung up the phone (still hysterically crying) I stared at my phone, thought to myself "you have lost your mind, what just happened? None of what happened makes any freaking sense!" I instantly quit crying and feel like everything is fine.... I feel just fine, same old me. Excited to try for another baby, excited to have my husband home for the holidays, I feel great.....but ten minutes ago I was a freaking train wreck!

I have a lot of apologizing to do.  I have some making up to do! He does not deserve to see this side of me that not even I have seen! HA! I am dying of laughter that I have just acted like a 13 year old little girl! Wow.....

Fair warning to any of you who might think of taking clomid....YOU WILL ACT CRAZY AT SOME POINT WHILE TAKING THIS DRUG! You better let your husbands know what will happen for no apparent reason. If they don't believe it will make you loose your mind, just have them call my husband....I think I have scared him to the point he wants to stay in BM Nevada!

Other than the psycho coming out, I really hope this drug does what it is supposed to do and I do become pregnant this month!

Lonely

The first couple of weeks that Dusty had been living in Nevada things felt a little easier.  By easier I mean that my house was easier to keep clean, I didn't ever have to worry about his schedule changing and how it would effect B and I in our daily lives.  Things were pretty simple.  As time went on though I realized how bored I am.  I realize how quiet my house has become and lonely I am.  B really misses her Daddy and clings to him when he comes home, I do the same thing, we are both fighting for his attention because soon it will be gone and every thing goes back to quiet, boring, nothing to do days.  I'm tired of going to bed alone every single night,  I'm tired of being the only person around to raise B.  I'm tired of not having someone here to comfort me when I am feeling depressed.  I hate to sound so down when there are soldiers that are overseas for a year or more at a time who have families back home, at least I get to see my husband every couple of weeks.  Talking to him on the phone has been nice, but as time has gone on we have run out things to say to each other.  It feels as if we are growing apart in some way.  Hurts my feelings. I want my best friend back, I want to try for another baby and not have to worry if he will be home when I need him to.  I want to not have to drive to Battle freaking Mountain and stay in his trailer just so I can be with him during the week.  These are all things that I hate with him working in another state....I am however, so thankful that in the economy he has a job, a great job that provides for our family and lets me be a stay at home mom.  I'm thankful that my husband has sacrificed so much for his family just to make sure that we have a roof over our head, food in our mouths, and money to spend.  He is the most hard-working man I have ever met and he does it without complaining.  I know it can't be easy for him to be in another state without his family, but he stays strong for us. He keeps positive for us. What an amazing man Dusty has turned out to be! I love him so much and my love grows for him each and everyday!

I know that one day I will look back and say "That was a rough time in our lives, but look at us now, stronger than ever before!" I know this won't last forever and for that I am thankful.

I love you so much Dusty! You are the best father and husband I could have ever asked for! Thank you so much for the things you do for our little family, we appreciate it more than you will ever know.

Daddy and B at the park in BM Nevada. 

Our wedding day November 6, 2010. Last family photo we have. Better get another one next time he comes home!

Give it Another Try

Well I guess it is time to try and blog again among other things in our life. BraeLynn is almost 3! I can't believe that I will have a 3 year old come December 15. She is growing like a weed and has the most adorable personality ever! (I'm sure all Mom's feel the same about their kids). Dusty is living in Battle Mountain, Nevada for Ames Construction doing what he has always done-Crusher Maintenance. They are currently working at a mine called Newmont. He loves what he does but hates being so far away from home. He left the end of July and I am feeling a little guilty when I say it doesn't feel like he has been gone very long. He gets to come home every couple of weeks for a few days at time. Last time he was here was the very last week in October and he will be home again the week of Thanksgiving.
As for me, I am now a stay at home mom and go to school at nights. I am hoping to be enrolled at Provo College in January for my RN. It has been a long time coming that I get this done as soon as possible so that Dusty and I will be able to live together as a family should. Honestly I am very nervous about taking the plunge into nursing school, it will be a very long, hard, stressful 20 months! I know it will be so worth it when all said and done, but thinking about being extremely busy has me scared out of my mind! I love being home with B all day every day, nursing school will completely tear me away from her, and with Dusty not living here I will have to rely on my family or his family to help take care of her. I hate feeling that I need to rely on someone else to take care of MY child. I guess I need to get over my fears and just take the plunge and get it over with now!!

Dusty and I have been trying to have another baby since February, obviously we aren't having very much luck in that department. It's not because he hasn't been home either. I have been taking OPK's every month and since February have had 2 positive results, one in March--which I refused to take advantage of! (I do not want another December baby, one is enough for that month!) and the other was in October, luckily Dusty was home that weekend, but it just so happens that it did not work regardless of the positive result. After calling my Dr. and being very upset about B turning 3 and not pregnant with another baby, he asked me if I had been tracking my cycles, well of course I have! I am on a 32 cycle, which apparently if your cycle is longer than 28 days the chance you ovulate each month is slim to none. Wish I would have known that months ago! Anyways, he decided to put me on a fertility drug called Clomid which helps induce ovulation. It does not ensure pregnancy which has me a little worried, but it works. Not to mention that you have a higher chance of having multiple births! I am okay with one or more, at this point I don't even care! I just want another baby to hold, to have in my home and for B to have a younger brother or sister to eventually be close with and have a special relationship that I have with my siblings. I never wanted my kids to be 4+ years apart, so I have told Dusty that after the second child we will not wait as long for a third. That made him a little nervous, but he agreed! He says after 3 kids we are finished....how can he be sure we are finished after 3? Thinking about no more kids at a certain point gives me anxiety! I love babies and love my babies even more, why quit having the most adorable kids in the world?
Hopefully I will have some good news here in the next month!