Losing control

I feel like I have completely fallen off the freaking wagon! This is becoming harder and harder each and everyday.
I didn't weigh in this week because well I figured it was bad. I did okay I think but I ate more fast food than I should have.
I need to just do it.
I can be the most stubborn person in the world but when it comes to food it controls me.
At least I feel like it controls me.
I feel like I'm always going to be this disgusted fat person who doesn't deserve anyone's love because I'm fat.
Seriously I'm so grossed out and other than going to work I don't go anywhere because I dont want people to see how I've let myself go.
I'm needing some real help.
I'm needing to get off my ass and just work out.
I need to have confidence and feel good in my own skin.
I need to feel like I'm getting somewhere.
Right now I'm going no where.
Needing some encouraging words of advice right now.