Still waiting......

Well I didn't go get an ultrasound, the tech was extremely busy and couldn't fit me in.  Which I think I am grateful for.  I would have hated to go in and have her tell me that there was nothing there and I am not pregnant .  So I have decided to wait until I miss my period....I am already holding on strong by not taking any pregnancy tests! Today is CD 27 so only 5 more days till I either start or don't start....lets pray that I don't start.

I have been really hard on myself the last few days about not being pregnant.  I keep seeing friends and family announce that they are finally pregnant after trying for a couple of months, or they didn't think they would get pregnant the first month of trying. I am trying so hard to be happy for them, and not be jealous or upset, but I find myself crying wondering why in the world it hasn't happened to me.  I am also having a really hard time dealing with friends and family who just had a baby. A friend and a cousin both had their babies yesterday.  One was weighing 7lbs 90z and the other was 3lbs 7oz. I can't help but wanting their babies as my own! I am happy for them, very happy, it's just the need I feel for a new little addition to my family is overpowering my happiness for them. I am jealous they get to experience a new baby.  When can it be my turn? When can I say "the new babe has arrived!" when can I feel the hole in my heart has been replaced by a new sweet soul to love and cherish.  I wish this ache would go away with a positive pregnancy test.  I wish I knew when I will be having a child hopefully August 22nd.....that would be my due date if I am pregnant now.

In my previous post I mentioned I was having a few pre-period symptoms, not any more....I mean my boobs are still a little sore, but not like they normally are.. and I haven't felt like I am going to start.  Maybe that is a good sign? I am feeling more tired lately but I haven't been sleeping well at all...I am trying not to associate that with pregnancy symptoms because restless nights will do that to you.  I can do this! I can wait a week to find out the good or bad news! I will not give in and take a test, I don't want to be disappointed if I get a false-negative...or a real negative.....I am praying harder than I have ever prayed before that I will have a big fat positive!!

On a different note, it is obvious that this is one thing I think about 24/7.  Sitting at home day in and day out hasn't been very helpful with getting my mind off of it.  So after much consideration I decided that it was time to look for a job.  It keep me busy during the day and my mind focused on other things.  It will also give B an opportunity to play with other children, she doesn't get to do that often and I feel that interaction will be good for her.  Not to mention the money...it will give us a bit more extra cash to pay things off quicker and play harder! I have turned in a number of applications hoping to get a call as soon as possible. Nursing homes, banks, gas stations, and the hospital are all just a few places that I have applied.  I am hoping for a nursing home job or a hospital. They are both in the medical field, and that is what I am going to school for. But at this point in time I feel any job will be beneficial to me and my family....so as I sit waiting for a big fat positive, I also wait for a phone call for a job interview.  Have I mentioned lately that being patient is not something I am good at?  I make myself go crazy with all the reason's it hasn't happened yet....hoping for a phone call this week and a new job to go to on Monday, the likely hood of that happening is slim to none. 

I am keeping my fingers (and legs) crossed for some good news here in the next week!